Imagine yourself in bed sleeping. Without warning, you are pulled into consciousness and your heart starts to palpitate madly. Uncontrollably.

You refuse to open your eyes and take deep breaths, hoping that the anxiety would simmer down and you can drift off back to sleep.

But the beating doesn't stop. You feel like you can get a heart attack any second. You open your eyes and see that the world is still asleep. You sit up and fumble in the dark in search for your phone to check the time.

And the rectangular light from the phone flashes on your face.

It's 5 in the morning. Sunrise.

The day begins for you on that very painful moment.

That's me.

EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

For almost a month now.

It's an agonizing sensation I've been trying to deal with. As much I would pray the night before that I didn't want it to happen, it would. And when it would, I have no one call to calm me down. Everyone's still asleep and of course I wouldn't want to wake them. It's just me. And the darkness.

It's enough to drive anyone mad. Enough to drive me mad.

But you know what? I'm still alive. Surprisingly, I am.

Because I discovered something remarkable. And I thank my friend for sharing it with me through this quote:

"It may not be the best sunrise, but I will go through the day knowing that my sunset will be better."

That line is what's keeping me sane these days. And happy.

Despite the fact that I suffer in the morning, I always end my day wonderfully.

Today, I made it to a point that I would paint my own sunset. I had lunch out with an old friend who treated me (you know who you are. Thank you!) to a nice meal. After catching up with him, I went out again with two friends for a second lunch (I watched them eat. I got free dessert). and ended the day watching Percy Jackson with my dad and siblings.

Now, wouldn't you say that I saw a beautiful sunset today? :)

The beautiful part about my sunsets is that I don't even try to make myself happy. By believing that I will see a beautiful sunset the moment I see the sunrise, everything seems to fall into place. And at that moment, i am pacified.

And that's what I plan to do for this Lenten Season. Not only will I give up something that's like a drug to me, I will also open myself to see 40 sunsets.

40 beautiful sunsets.

And that's enough to defeat 40 painful sunrises.

I hope you see beautiful sunsets from now on. :)

I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that my situation right now is the hardest and most excruciating thing I've had to deal with in my entire life by far. I am not kidding. And it's not funny.

I'm suffering mentally, emotionally, and even physically.

The worst part is that a doctor nor a nurse can heal me or even treat the pain to make it better. They can't prescribe me pain killers. They can't diagnose me with anything. They can't treat that deep open wound in my heart. Nothing.

Have you ever felt this kind of pain? If you have, then I hope that this pain is gone. If you haven't, I sincerely pray you don't go through this at all.

But to those who are going through it like me, let me tell you that I've been going to a Doctor than can heal our pain. :)

I'm sure you know who I'm talking about. Yup, He's the greatest Doctor anyone could ever ask for. Our BIG God.

~*~

When you're nursing a deep wound, you can't just let it heal on its own. You have to clean out and treat the wound; and that's usually coupled with tremendous pain.

But I've come up with an organized way to heal. It's nothing new, but in a state like mine, you're practically a modern Sisa. People like us need other people to keep us sane sometimes.

Here we go:

1. GO SEE THE DOCTOR. - He's waiting for you in the Blessed Sacrament. Tell Him how you're feeling and what you want Him to do about it. He'll be listening to you patiently and will heal you in exchange for nothing.

2. SHOW THE WOUND AND LET HIM TREAT IT. - Show Him how deep the wound is. Hold nothing back. Let Him see the deepest and most painful parts. Then let Him treat it. Let Him do all the cleaning, sewing, and bandaging. Expect pain but know that He's telling you that everything will be alright.

3. ALLOW TIME FOR HEALING. - I actually hate this part; and as much as I hate to admit it, it's necessary. No deep wound can heal in a day.

4. TAKE PAINKILLERS. - Laughter, for me, is the best painkiller. So are friends, family, and relatives. Hobbies are another. Counting your blessings, too. Alcohol is a great painkiller as well! HAHAHA! Let's remember moderation!

5. GO BACK FOR CHECK-UPS. - Go back to Him daily if needed. Let Him know the progress of your healing, the pain you're going through...just everything. Keep letting Him clean out the wound and replacing them with fresh bandages. Do yourself a favor and keep it away from infections that can make them worse.

Note: It's always polite to thank the Doctor after He treats you. :)

Let me tell you that I don't follow this all the time. I fail sometimes because the pain gets too unbearable. And I feel that's alright. What matters is that you know you're making progress each day, knowing that you will be alright. Because no one deserves this pain. NO ONE. Especially YOU. :)

So, friend, do you want to go to the Doctor today? Take my hand and let's go together. :)

Before I jump to the JC2X review, I want to recall what happened during the BLD Youth White Christmas party that Saturday afternoon. :)

The whole thing was held at The Residences near Greenbelt. The room was just right for the number of people who came and from the looks of it, everyone had fun! The Penta did a great job and I can really see the start of their oneness. Almost sticking like glue! ;)

And it was just so sweet that they all tried to give everyone a chance in winning a prize during the raffle. The Lord was very generous with me. I first won a Starbucks GC then a Smartbro wireless prepaid kit! I screamed my head off when I heard my name. I feel like I won the lottery! Hahahaha!

Right after the event, my friends checked out the Topshop and Mango sale while I rushed to People are People and got myself a new pair of black Gladiator sandals for cheap. My first pair of black glads. I know, lame. =)) HEY IM HAPPY.

~*~

After grabbing the sandals (it only took me 15 minutes to decide to buy it or not because it was that cheap to pass), I headed home to get ready for Carlo and Jan's party. It felt so good putting on those lace leggings! My dad asked me if I was going to a costume party. :| NO.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of the night:

My special surprise guest for Carlo and Jan. :) Thank you so much for passing by, Tita Ange! <3

That's the closest I can get to show my outfit for that night. :| I'm so annoyed I didn't have a full body!

~*~

Only a few days til' Christmas! Oh, and I forgot to mention that I'm having a garage sale right now so I can raise funds to go to the beach. Hahaha! Would anyone like to donate? Take my sisters and I to Anilao! :))

Some significant and interesting things have happened to me today. They may not be big but still quite funny and meaningful to me. Haha!

Yes, that is Yana's little teeny tiny foot! I love kissing her teeny tiny feeties. :)

But today, the most bizarre thing happened. My mom asked me to stick my finger in little Yana's butthole. WHAAAAT?

Because Yana's having a poopy problem, my mom brought her to the doctor and said that she's having a hard time to poop because her butthole is too small. My mom didn't want to do it because didn't she want to hurt her so she wanted me to do it.

And yes, I did do it. But HELLO, I didn't stick my entire pinky in okay. Just the super duper tip. AND I USED GLOVES.

~*~

My first post for December! I'm not exactly sure if I can say that I've been busy but this week has been definitely hell for Ateneans. It's that time of the season where teachers suddenly remember to give their students hell and a simultaneous bombardment of exams and papers drop over our heards, leaving dreadful craters of angst and hatred.

Let's also not forget that it's the season where suckling pigs reign the buffet table and bazaars are practically everywhere! Food+ Shopping = LA LA LA LOVE!

I really don't have much to tell except that I've been constantly going to bazaars and buying some amazing stuff for cheap! My favorite find? A real Zara purple mini skirt only worth 100 php! Some of my other purchases include a dirty gold necklace with a microphone charm, long black leggings, and cute black flats only worth 400!

~*~

 

I'm sure some of you know that it's Carlo and Jan's annual birthday party called JC2X on Saturday at the Food Locker. Do you have your outfits already? Remember, wear all black! I'm so excited to wear mine! :)

~*~

My relatives from abroad arrived earlier this month. They're all so cute and funny. I'm quite sad because only two of my cousins are arriving. It's the oldies who came over this time. I really wish that ALL of them would come back the next time they plan another vacation here in the Phils. All 7 of my wonderful cousins!

When I was little, I couldn't relate so much to my older cousins since our maturity gap was still pretty big. That was back in 1997. They were already in their clubbing stage; I was only 7.

Now, we can ALL go clubbing! <3 I'm so excited to take them out everywhere. I'm sure we'll all have a blast just reminiscing and telling each other stories!

~*~

Hope you all have a good Christmas! <3

I didn't realize that I haven't posted in so long! I apologize.

To start, here's a wonderful chocolate block I found in the Noel Bazaar at World Trade Center:

It's as thick as my Psych book! It's my big block of joy. <3

My mom just took away Yana from my arms. Time for her to eat. :) Anyway, Last weekend, Carlo performed in Araneta Colosseum for the Kerygma Conference. He also became a sound techie. Poor dear. He had to wake up at 3am everyday. :| And because he was busy, I only got to talk to him for 5 minutes for Saturday and Sunday.

Last Monday, because it was a Holiday, we went out and ate at National Sports Grill. I got a Cajun Peppercorn Burger and Carlo got the Power Forward meal.

Here's my order: [it is effing big]

Last Saturday, I also went to the World Trade Bazaar. I didn't get to go to any of the debuts I was invited to or even to prayer meeting because I had no transpo. Plus, my tita from the States was coming home that day so I had to welcome her~ :)

And in the World Trade Bazaar was Jon and Jeff selling bread and dip! Thank you for the free entrance! Nyaha~  Anyway, here's their tarp. Carlo was the one who took the pictures~

AND MOST WONDERFUL NEWS! The flyer I made for Premyo sa Resibo just got recently! According to my bosses, it's supposedly at all the phonecard booths at the malls. I'm so happy! <3

Looks very masa, yes? Hahaha! This flyer underwent soooo many revisions until it was approved by the "higher ups." I'm not happy with some elements (due to limited pictures/resources)  but I guess overall it's alright.

My tita also hired me to do a logo for their team in Citibank. I'm very excited to see it being used!

So, that it all that I can put for now because if I try to think of more, this would be reaaaally long. :|

Hope you're having a good and productive week.:)

As you all know, Carlo and I went shopping today. We got to the mall at 10:30 in the morning and started shopping nonstop until 2:30 pm! This was the outcome of running to and fro like we were in ambush makeover:

SHOPPING BAG COUNT:

Carlo: 7
Arya: 3

WAHAHAHA! YES, PEOPLE. Most of the bags there are his. Guess na lang which ones are mine. :))) Clue, the Zara bag is not mine. =))))))

Carlo's so happy with his purchases and watching him with all those bags give me so much endorphins. Hahaha!

As my reward for tagging along as his shopping consultant, he bought me liquid leggings from The Ramp. Weee! <3

~*~

I finally have my Bad Romance cover up in youtube!

Do check it out and leave a comment. :) It would mean a lot!  :)

Ah, and I shall be out until Sunday because I'll be serving in the Youth Encounter. See you Sunday! Auf wiedersehen! <3

Today is the end of my week because it's Faculty Day in Ateneo tomorrow. Carlo and I will be going to the mall tomorrow to go shopping! Yeah, we're gay that way. :)) We're both very excited! Our first day dedicated to shopping! What could be a more wonderful way to celebrate our special day...which is today! :)

~*~

My week has been a week of adjustments and simple joys. It's been a hard week but surprisingly I am thankful because as I look back, all I can see in my mind is me throwing my head back in laughter and just being happy.

Despite the tedious task of load rev-ing, photocopying this and that, having to wake up early in the morning (with a broken body clock), walking in the heat, I AM STILL THANKFUL. AND EXTREMELY HAPPY.

And I think I know the reason why I feel so filled with positivity.

My spirit has been very dry lately. I've been out of touch with my God again and my body and soul acknowledged that. I had the capacity to push the thirst at the back of my head by bombarding myself with other issues that needed immediate attention (like preparing for my future), but somehow, the thirst would come back like wildfire when I least expected it.

It really was stupid of me of trying to cover a burning flame.

It was stupid of me to say to my God,

"Lord, wait lang ha? I'm busy eh."

I felt like I just gave my Daddy a big slap on the face when He just wanted to make me lambing (I'm actually crying as I type this. I can't contain the guilt, really).

Little did I know that He would drop little gifts throughout my week to show He's still there for me. The best way I can explain this is when it's like someone's leaving a trail of small gifts leading to a big big big gift at the end of it all.

And these tiny gifts were the people present in my life. People I knew. People I hardly knew. People I love. People I don't give the time of day to.

-Yana, who erases all my exhaustion and sadness of each day with a fleeting smile. She is a living miracle in my life.
-Carlo, who blesses me by telling me about the things he's learned from playing for the Feast. Or by calling every few hours to check if I'm okay.
-Hans, Coi, Mae, Russel, and Iyo, for being one of the reasons why I look forward to school.
-Nikki, for helping me realize that I am not in control of time. That I cannot fast forward to the future.
- Yaya Imela, for sharing to me her story when I asked her to sit with me during dinner time.
-For those who have affirmed and blessed me without knowing it, you encouraged me to pursue my dreams and love my God more and more.

I realized that he was slowly filling me up again. He was wanted to make me happy again.

And I'm brimming with love and happiness right now because of Him.

And the week's not even over yet.

I am serving during the Youth Encounter this weekend. Lord, I know your big surprise is there for me. :) I feel it. I'm so excited. :)

I guess what I'm trying to say is...have you counted your blessings this week? Have you tried opening your mind to see the positive side of things lately?

Have you given God a chance to hug you this week?

The week's not over yet. Let Him surprise you. :)

~*~

Blessed Be You Name
-Matt Redman

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say

I notice these people asking me who and how my teachers were back in the first sem. Coz duh, they're their teachers this sem.

Well, because I don't want my blog to be just a dump of the random stuff that happens in my life, I shall give tips and tricks on how to get on the good side of my teachers. Who knows? these little pieces of advice might jump your grade from a B+ to an A. Or an F to a D. Or whatever.

Let's begin!

Asian History: Ms. Stephanie Coo

Ah, the most popular teacher!
AC students, do not fear her. If you've passed the Triumverate (or at least one of them), you will be alright.
But it won't hurt to be extra extra careful!

1. It would be an advantage to be her beadle.
2. Recite. During orals, don't stutter or show you're nervous.
3. Show that you're not afraid of her. Be poised and confident.
4. Be courteous and greet her.
5. Always read what she gives. Or else she'll send you out.
6. Her tests are memorization. And even if she says not to write something down, write them down.
7. RECITE RECITE RECITE! She likes active students.
8. Try not to cut.

Sociology: Mrs. Susannah (sp?) Roldan

1. She's awfully nice. She's like a mommy. :)
2. Her tests are easy. Just read everything she makes you read and you will surely get an A.
3. You will tend to sleep.

Theology: Ray Aguas
1. IF YOU ARE IN HIS CLASS, YOU ARE INSANELY BLESSED.
2. His tests are easy. You will be sorry if you do not read what he gives. IM TELLING YOU.
3. Be prepared for surprise quizzes. They are dreadful. READ. THE. MATERIAL.
4. Don't talk in class.
5. You will not want to cut his class. You will not fall asleep.

Filipino: Mr. Alvin Yapan
1. He's an effing genius.
2. He's such a genius he's too deep for life. You will not dare skip a class.
3. Don't bother studying for his tests. :))))
4. He plays favorites. If you're a quiet class, he will like you.
5. He curves tests.
6. Good luck. :|

FA: Father Javellana
1. The cutest teacher in all the teachers of the world!!!
2. You will have to be an idiot to fail his class.
3. He's a tricky teacher. You think he doesn't know you and is not aware of what you do or what you submit. HE DOES. *DUN DUN DUN*
4. He's very kind. AND DID I MENTION SO CUTE!!! I WANT TO HUG HIM!!
5. During the one-on-one interview, he'll really test you if you know your stuff. And if you really deserve that A you wrote on that sheet of paper.

~ GOOD LUCK! :) I hope I helped!

Aside from the usual getting lost and entering the wrong classroom issue I have during the first day of every semester, the day went by quite smoothly.

8:30-9:30 Eco 12:
My teacher seems to be like my former SA teacher. He seems very kind but quite bland when he teaches. I hope he's generous with giving high grades, too. I suck at math. Meh~

9:30-10:30 Sci 10:
Iyo and I walked into a big classroom in CTC housing about 80 students for the whole semester. Simple question: HOW THE TOOTHPICK DO YOU LEARN IN A CLASS THAT BIG. TELL ME, ATENEO.

10:30-11:30 FLC: German
I walked into a teeny tiny classroom. We were very little. My teacher, Ms. Velasco is just so adorable! She's really kind and I volunteered to be her beadle. We learned a few mini-dialogues that day such as,

"Wie heist du?" - What is your name?
"Mein Name ist Arya!" - My name is Arya!
"WUNDABAR!" - Wonderful!
"Danke!" - Thank you

I had a classmate who kept spitting the words out like he wanted to speak like Hitler. "ACHTUNG!" "EEKKHH MAAKHH..."

He was my seatmate and because I was so annoyed with his faux Hitler/German accent, I moved to the seat right in front of me.

11:30-12:30 FA 102:
I thought I still had time to eat lunch. Apparently, I didn't.

Fast forward, I ended up going to G312 instead of G304.

Me: *goes inside classroom*
Class: *stares at me*
Me: *walks in the classroom trying to seem confident that it's the right room, puts down bag and walks out again to check the room number outside*
SHIT.
*dials friend's number on phone*
Me: Where are you?
Mae: Andito na sa classroom.
Me: *walks back into the classroom like everything's fine and dandy, gets bag, and walks out without turning back*

Then I meet Hans and Iyo in front of the door outside the wrong classroom.

Hans: Wrong classroom?
Me: Yeah. *still trying to sound normal and cool but really wanting to cry of embarrassment*
I*when we're far away na*
Me: WAAAHHHH!! NAKAKAHIYAAAA!! I HOPE THOSE PEOPLE NEVER SEE MY FACE EVER EVER EVERRRR!!!! DX

Fast forward: I was made beadle of FA 102 therefore, I am double beadle. :| I just wanted German. :(

2:00-3:00 Table Tennis:

Sign and leave! I WILL LOAD REV THIS TO T-TH. I SWEAR IT :|

~*~

My blessings today:
I got to see my block kada again!!! <333
I love my German class.
Hans made me libre.
Got to spend time with my friends before my PE class.
Getting home to see my YANA! <3!!

How about you? What's